Month Four/ Corey's Smiles

Four months since the accident. Wow. Just, wow.  I cannot even imagine how I have even been able to make it to this day without going completely crazy. Corey was my rock, and also like my walking diary.  I told him everything. Even those random thoughts we get from time to time that we usually never share with anyone, I shared those with him.  He knew me better than anyone and most of the time better than I knew myself. How have I made it this far without him around? It helps that I knew him extremely well too and that I pretty much know what he would say or do in reaction to almost every situation.  Even while he was alive I joked I was going to make a bracelet to remind me of this. Remember those WWJD bracelets that were so popular years ago? We joked I should make a WWCD bracelet for times he was gone and I did not know what to do, but especially how much to spend lol.  It helps knowing how he would feel about things I am doing.  I think about him as much as you can possibly think about another person.  I am not saying I took him for granted but, there were so many things I adored about him that I honestly did not even notice while he was around.  The world and our lives were too busy to notice the simple things like that and gosh I wish we had just took time to slow down so I could have told him every single thing I loved about him.  While searching for a photo to put in the background of my IPhone, I noticed a smile in one of his photos that only came around in particular situations.  I felt a little cheesy since I had seen something similar in a movie, "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" (cute movie btw if you have not seen it!).  So, I went through all of his pictures, along with all of my memories and came up with a list. A list of 8 smiles that my amazing husband had. Each was unique and could brighten up any room or situation. So, here's my (I don't care how cheesy it is and I know he is probably laughing at me right now) list:

Smile 1

This was his smile for when he was genuinely having a good time/in the middle of laughing.  I usually saw this when I did something ditsy and he found it amusing or when we were doing something he enjoyed. In this photo, we were on vacation in Vegas.....and he had just been served the largest beer I had ever seen. You can imagine the excitement!

Smile 2

This was his, "okay I don't have to be in every single photo we take, ever" smile.  I know it annoyed him how many photos I took of him! He probably heard "SMILE!!!" 50 times every day we were on vacation but, I am so happy because those photos left me with hundreds and hundreds of memories.

Smile 3

 This was his, "I'm so exhausted and my crazy wife is making me take a picture that if I don't give her atleast a smirk, she will make me take again" smile. So cute....even when sleepy. This was after the Marine Corps Ball so, he had every right to be sleepy. I made him dance quite a bit!!

Smile 4

This classic smile was one that graced everyone who was in his presence when he had a few drinks and boy was it a fun one!  He would never get drunk really, just extremely happy. He was super affectionate too when he got in these moods. In this one he was also having a lot of fun because we were at a San Diego Padres game with all of HMLA-469 so we were hanging with all of his friends and their wives.

Smile 5

This was a smile I saw quite often.  This is the one that made it to the background of my phone, by the way.  He gave me this smile when he was proud of himself for doing something sweet for me.  If the smile could have been put into words it would have read, "Did I do a good job, sweetheart?".  For instance, if I was having a bad day sometimes he would stop and pick me up some of my favorite ice cream or something else I really liked and when he gave it to me.....he gave me this smile along with it.  He was so proud of himself when he did sweet things for me and I could tell he enjoyed it just as much as I did. I was so lucky.


Smile 6

No long caption needed for this one. This was his "I'm so cool" smile.  That was him and my little stepbrother when we went to Disney World last year.  As you can see, he was definitely ready for kids! :)

Smile 7

This was his, "I'm at work but I'm having fun......and ofcorse I know I get to go home soon" smile.  I am sure that he had his times of being mad at his job, everyone does, but this was how I usually saw him when I went to visit him at the Squadron.  He never saw the point in complaining about everything. I am not sure if that was just his positive outlook on things or his common sense because complaining will get you no where but, either way, he was a hard worker and kept his head up.

And....last but not least, my favorite.

Smile 8

This was his smile when he was looking at me.  I don't think he ever looked at me without complimenting me.  He was always telling me how lucky he thought he was that I picked him out of everyone else in the world, or just simply looking at me and saying, "Wow".  I never felt better than when I was in his eyes.


So, there's my cheesy list of smiles! It made me happy to write them all down....so that if I ever wonder later, there they are.

Four months is a long time to be without your best friend. I hope and pray he hears me when I talk to him.  I just wish I could see him once more. But, that would just leave me still saying that I wish I could see him once more after that. No amount of time with him would have ever been enough.  We could spend weeks straight without spending any time apart at all and we never ever got tired of eachother. It was so simple. That is how it should be. You should be content and do any and everything to make the other person happy because that is where your happiness really comes from. I never thought it possible but my love for him grows more every day.  It happens when I think about him and all of the things we shared.  It's a shame though that it took me until now to stop and think of all of those things I loved so much and never realized how lucky I was to just have that.  I could have lived forever with him in that little apartment, living paycheck to paycheck, chasing each other around the place and laughing, sharing meals, and just.....being us. "Live simply" my Mother always says. I think that is what she means.....

I went to visit the cemetery on Father's Day and we brought him a ton of flowers. I want people to know just how loved he was, not only for his amazing personality but for his ability to smile and make everyone around him smile too.  I just wish I could have seen the one smile that I most likely have not seen yet, the smile when he got to see his little girl.