The Day it happened.

I have heard many stories about military widows. I usually hear of them on the news or through a mutual friend and think "How sad, I cannot even imagine". I was right, there was no way that I would ever be prepared for February 22 and the morning of the 23rd. February 22 was a Wednesday and Corey and I got to sleep in late since he had a night flight and did not have to be in to work until about 1:30. This was typical for night flights which was something we were used to. That morning he woke up and cooked me breakfast (as he always did when he had time). I usually covered all of the other meals but he was the breakfast guy. Usually on Sunday mornings we would both wake up late and he would cook breakfast for me. It was a tradition. Like every morning he did that, he would take his laptop and put it on the counter top to listen to music while he was in the kitchen. I still to this day am not quite sure why, but without fail he would put the first song on and it was always "Beast of Burden" by The Rolling Stones. I would usually come into the kitchen and dance with him to it while he tried to cook and we would both laugh at my crazy dance moves. Feb 22 was no different. We had a fun morning and at about 12:30 he kissed me bye and said the last thing he ever said to me "I can't wait to get home to you". Then he was gone.

I went about my day as usual, which entailed me finally getting off of the couch at 1:30, doing a few things around the apartment, and taking Lola (our dog) for a walk. I got a message from my friend Tiffany asking if I wanted to go shopping and out to dinner and if you know me, I am not one to turn shopping down. So, I got dressed and met her at her place. We went to a few stores and ate at a sushi place (I only got the cooked stuff so no worries). At about 7pm we finally made it back to Tiffany's house and I headed home. My plan was to do some laundry and all the dishes then head to bed and when I woke up, Corey would be there sleeping next to me snoring extremely loud. I did not go to bed until about 11pm that night. When I woke up at about 4:30am to go to the bathroom, he still was not home. Odd yes but, not insane. My first reaction was that the flight maybe did not go so well and someone got in trouble and they had to stay late and clean things. But, he usually texted me to let me know about when he thought he would head home. I had no messages and his phone was off which was another normal thing since he kept it in his locker turned off when he was at work or else it would run out of power. At about 5am I started to worry. They were supposed to have landed 4 hours before that. I knew it was early but, I called my friend Heather whose husband has the same job as Corey just in a different squadron. I told her what was up and asked if I was over reacting, which is a normal thing for me to do. She said no I was not crazy and she might be worried too. Now, with that being my husband's job I have seen many stories about helicopter crashes and always kind of worried but, then I would get a call from him saying "No worries, it was no one in our squadron." While on the phone with Heather I googled Marine Helicopter Crash. Sounds crazy, I know, but the 1st thing a military wife does is google something like that when we are worried. I saw an article that had been posted 3 minutes earlier about a Marine Helicopter Collision in Yuma, AZ and although I sort of freaked out, I also said "I don't think they fly that far" (we lived in San Diego). I ran into the living room to see if anything was on the news and told Heather I would call her back. I called Corey's squadron and asked if my husband was still at work and the guy very calmly said, you need to call the duty officer we are not allowed to answer any questions........I automatically thought, he just did. As if running on autopilot I went to put shorts and a shirt on since I was not decent and as soon as I went to call Heather back to tell her I was still very worried, my doorbell rang. No one rings your doorbell at 6am. I will never forget the feeling in my stomach as I looked through the peep hole in the door and saw the hats of 3 Marines. It is simply a moment that every single Marine wife dreads. I knew. I opened the door and they asked to come in. I let them in and one said "Mamn, at about 8pm last night your husband was involved in a helicopter crash and has passed away". I felt like I was dreaming. It was one of those things that is just way too big to even believe it is real. I sat on the couch and said "Oh my God, what am I going to do....I'm pregnant", which was the very first thing that came to my mind. See, Corey was so excited about being a dad. He slept with his hand on my stomach every night since we found out I was pregnant. What followed was a whirlwind. Tons of people came over, everyone I knew had heard in a matter of hours from news reports and word of mouth. It was insane. The 1st 2 weeks I had at least 10 people around me at all times and I still felt all alone. No one got me like he did. To be honest, at a month out, it still feels like it is not real. I have cried yes, but most definitely not a lot as I simply have not accepted it. I feel he was cheated. He did not get to live. He will never meet his daughter. It simply is not fair. I have found myself saying the phrase "It isn't fair" a lot lately. We were so happy. We led a simple life and just loved each other so much. I volunteered for multiple organizations, we always helped our friends with any and everything they needed so why did we deserve this? Why couldn't we just be left alone? There are so many bad people in the world.....why? I still feel all alone. I have moved back to Georgia where he was from and I am in the process of buying a home. It was our dream to come back here when he was done with the Marine Corps. But, I still feel alone. Everyone else gets to go back to their life they had before. I have nothing I had before. I am only 24 and I am left wondering what I am supposed to do now. I had already made my choice. I knew what I wanted. All I wanted was him. It's simply so big I cannot accept it yet. I will just have to be strong for our sweet little girl Corey Ann.